Mantra of the Day: I want to be evil. - Eartha Kitt
When I was growing up, I was practically a Pollyanna. I really didn’t like giving people attitude. Even now, I’m happy and positive most days, lost in my own thoughts; ready, willing and able to spread a little bit of sunshine. Increasingly, I have resorted to my inner bitch to deal with many of the people and circumstances that life has thrown my way.
I’ve reached the conclusion that people simply ask for it. I’ve also come to realize that there’s a little bit of inner bitch in all of us. No matter how nice, spiritual or tolerant you may be, it’s in there. And there’s nothing wrong with letting it out.
I’m not saying that you should go out, looking for a fight. I’m just saying that you should stand up for yours
elf. Maybe there would be fewer assholes in the world if these people knew that they couldn’t get away with running over others with their funky attitudes. And, it’s not always about swearing or being loud. Sometimes a witty or sarcastic remark said in a normal tone will do just fine. The perfect exit never hurts either. Anyone ever watch the character Tanya Turner on “Footballers’ Wives”? Utter perfection. For other pointers, you might also want to pull out episodes of Dynasty and watch Joan Collins work. (Not that her bitchiness was ever kept at bay.) And there's always the venerable Wilhelmina Slater, Ugly Betty's preeminent bitch.Here’s an example of one of my lovely little “inner bitch” moments. It occurred while I was in graduate school in France. This horrid little waste of skin - named Kimi, of all things – had the audacity to refer to me “an old commoner” to someone who was speaking with me at the time. (European socialites can be much more vicious than their North American sisters.) There was no chance o
f me letting her slide. Oh no! You see, this was her third strike. My first thought was to bitch slap her but… I refrained. Instead, I offered her this: “You should hope to look this good without surgery when you reach your thirties. And, I’d rather be a commoner than a common whore like you.” With that, I offered my good-byes to our mutual acquaintance, turned on my heel and walked away with a smirk on my face. As with anything, pick your battles. I’d suggest against being a bitch to your boss or someone on whom you depend; that is, unless you’ve already got the next best thing lined up.
Smooches.
[IMAGES: Courtesy of Footballerswives.tv, Inthemix.com.au, UglyBettyShowOnline.com]
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